posted: 04.18.10 at 11:30 PM
filed under: personal
“Nothing good happens after midnight” is a maxim that is commonly embraced by parents and other elderly types.
This old adage is meant to convey the benefits of retiring to bed at an early hour. The phrase is often used by parents who worry that the twilight hours will expose their children to the unsavory aspects of life, such as premarital sex, alcohol, drugs and Mexicans.
I thoroughly reject the notion that “nothing good happens after midnight,” as I am a nocturnal being. Every morning, I begrudgingly peel myself out of bed for work, spending the first part of the day in a semiconscious haze. I am a staunch proponent of early evening naps, and I am most productive late at night.
My girlfriend, boqueen, is also a night owl. However, I do not know if she also disagrees with the statement “nothing good happens after midnight,” as she has a tendency to get drunk and black out in the early morning hours. It is difficult to assess the quality of what occurs after midnight when one has no recollection of the events in question.
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Sometimes, the news is incredibly unpredictable.
I was astonished when President Obama’s health care bill was passed. Despite the fact that earthquakes are now happening every 13 minutes, I am still stunned when another country is devastated by a quake. 9/11 caught me off slightly off guard, even though I had a job at the Pentagon at the time.
The collapse of Sandra Bullock’s marriage, on the other hand, was something that I fully expected to happen. In fact, I wish that I had found a way to wager on this when Bullock married motorcycle guy Jesse James in 2005. If I had, I would be enjoying a significant payout right now. I would probably be eating a lobster instead of writing this.
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posted: 04.06.10 at 11:30 PM
filed under: technology
You may be shocked to learn that Apple released the iPad to the public on Saturday.
This bit of news was easy to miss, between coverage of health care reform, the NCAA Final Four and the release of Clash of the Titans in 3D. Fortunately, a small number of technology-related sites exist on the Interwebs, providing sparse coverage of the event.
As a card-carrying geek, part of me lusts for the iPad. I have spent many nights in front of my laptop, clutching my credit card while resisting the overwhelming temptation to preorder the device. I have found myself unable to justify spending $500 or more an iPad, as it lacks a key functionality that has topped my technology wish list for over a decade: I want a device that will replace a pen and a paper forever.
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Previously on bokeen.com: Season eight of 24 has been an absurd clusterfuck. Fox decided to pull the plug on the show. The terrorists have nuclear fuel rods. Brian Hastings’ lower back hurts. Cole Ortiz looked pretty while reading lines of dialog. Renee Walker was officially declared a sexy creature. Read part one for the full story.
Dana Walsh (Katee Sackhoff) is a senior data analyst at CTU, a job that effectively amounts to “Lord of the Computer Geeks.” Her preposterous and convoluted subplot has been a major part of season eight.
At the start of the season, viewers learn that Walsh is engaged to Cole Ortiz, and that she has an antagonistic relationship with Chloe O’Brian. These innocuous beginnings soon gave way to the character’s increasingly ludicrous story arc.
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Jack Bauer’s days as the inimitable television terrorist hunter are numbered.
On Friday, Fox announced that action series 24 would not be renewed for a ninth season. I was elated as I read Fox’s press release, despite the fact that I have often referred to the show as “The Finest Television Program in the History of the Known Universe.”
Merely three months ago, I would have found this news devastating. However, the quality of the show has dramatically dropped this season, making it clear that it is best for the 24 crew to call it quits.
The show chronicles the exploits of counterterrorist agent Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland), a gritty, flawed and often reluctant hero repeatedly tasked with saving the world. The first season centered on a plot to assassinate a presidential candidate, while subsequent seasons involved thwarting impending terrorist attacks.
These diverse terrorist threats include, in chronological order: nuclear weapons, a weaponized mega-virus, nuclear weapons again, nerve gas, even more nuclear weapons, another weaponized mega-virus and, finally, nuclear weapons.
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posted: 03.15.10 at 12:00 AM
filed under: personal
If I were a positive person, I would not have anything to write about.
Fortunately, I am an irritable malcontent, which enables me to churn out thousands of words each week.
Last summer, I decided to write a list of things that I despise. I soon realized that such a list would be incredibly expansive, as there are very few things that I actually find enjoyable; notable examples include sex, drugs, rock & roll and rainbows.
To pare the list down to a more manageable size, I focused on areas where my opinion is at odds with conventional wisdom. The final list was titled Things that I hate that everyone else seems to think are so fucking wonderful. The list was far from comprehensive, so I proudly present the second installment in what will likely become a lengthy series.
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I am not comfortable living in a world where Sandra Bullock is an Academy Award winner.
Prior to Sunday night, the notion of Sandra Bullock winning an Oscar was unfathomable. I now realize that anything is possible. I would not be surprised to learn Paul and Ringo decided to reform the Beatles with Justin Bieber and Eminem as replacements for John and George. If Dick Cheney defeats Barack Obama for the presidency in 2012, I will not bat an eye.
In recent years, Bullock’s name has become synonymous with terrible movies. Her resume is a roll call of cinematic abortions, ranging from notable big-budget disasters such as Speed 2: Cruise Control to last year’s universally panned comedy All About Steve. Movie review aggregator RottenTomatoes.com rates 23 of her 32 films as “rotten.”
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posted: 03.03.10 at 12:00 AM
filed under: technology
Have you heard of Chatroulette, the latest social networking sensation that is sweeping the Interwebs?
Of course you haven’t, because you aren’t as plugged in as me. I am always aware of the latest trends on the Interwebs, because I am a social media expert and a bona fide SEM, SEO and web 2.0 marketing professional. It says so in my Twitter profile.
Chatroulette allows you to strike up a video chat with random strangers. Clicking “Play” puts you in touch with one the site’s hundreds of thousands of users. If you do not like what you see, you can click the “Next” button to find a new chat partner.
To refer to Chatroulette merely as a “social networking website” is an understatement. It is a social networking tour de force that opens a window to the world of the morose individuals that live on the Interwebs.
Armed with my webcam and a fifth of Captain Morgan, I decided to explore the Chatroulette experience. After several hours of repeatedly clicking the “Next” button, I developed a strong understanding of the Chatroulette audience makeup. Also, I got shit-faced drunk in the process.
I would like to share my findings with you in the form of this spectacular gallery of screenshots.
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posted: 03.01.10 at 12:00 AM
filed under: sports
The Winter Olympics ended last night, and I am pleased that the asinine spectacle finally came to a close.
I am sure that millions of people tuned in to the closing ceremonies to watch the elaborate parade of athletes with funny European names smiling and waving. I imagine that silly national anthems were played, and that Bob Costas said very positive things. I assume that a torch was involved and that viewers felt a heartwarming sense of national pride.
The extravagant pageantry of the closing ceremonies is thoroughly uninteresting to me. In fact, I despise the Winter Olympics as a whole.
I can relate more to the summer games, since I have actually participated in many of the summer sports. The sports in the Summer Olympics are simply more accessible. If I want to play basketball, I can purchase a ball and a pair of sneakers and go to a nearby schoolyard. A desire to run 400 meters could be quenched by stepping outdoors, after phoning the British Empire to determine how far 400 meters is.
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posted: 02.26.10 at 12:00 AM
filed under: technology
For many, the Book of Face has replaced actual interaction with other human folks.
This is truly a reflection of the sad state of the world today. Social network provides a tidy and convenient forum for managing our relationships, without the hassle of face-to-face contact.
Interpersonal interaction is now comprised sending virtual gifts, inviting friends to play Farmville and writing on one another’s wall. These have replaced traditional, wholesome activities, such as going out for coffee, playing a rousing match of checkers or receiving a handjob in a 1992 Geo Metro while parked outside of a Denny’s at three in the morning.
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