Craigslist Chaos, part II: Wigger versus gold digger

Harry Seaword is the consummate Renaissance man. 

In his last adventure on Craigslist, Harry played the role of a tattooed emo boy with a rock band.  Today, Harry adopts a far different persona. 

In this installment of Craigslist Chaos, Harry proactively seeks out his potential mate by responding a personal ad posted by one of the countless desperate women on Craigslist.

(The name of this series has been changed in the interest of preserving originality.  A Google search of “Fun with Craigslist,” produced approximately sixty trillion results, including multiple blogs of the same name.)

::

Girl seeking Sugar Daddy – 19
Hi,
I am young (black and white ) woman seeking an older male to have fun with and be spoiled by at the same time. So you know what I want, so if you’re interested in enjoying the rest of your summer please contact me. I’m 5’7, tan skin, brown eyes and blonde hair, usually worn straight but naturally curly. Im a really positive and upbeat person. No games only serious replies. Also, if your looking for a picture from me you must send me one first or else you will get nothing from me. This will be considered a give and take relationship. Well I hope to here from you soon.
(p.s. I will not spend the night so don’t bother asking)

 

Harry Seaword responded to the ad:
AY GIRL I SEEN YOUR AD ON CRAIGZLIST AND I WAS LIKE DAMN!  YOU SOUND LIKE A DOWN ASS BITCH. IM HARRY AND I AM THE REALEST NIGGA YOU GONNA MEET. YOU TIRED OF THEM PHONY PLAYAS TRYIN TO HOLLA AT YOU WHEN THEY DRIVE BY AND SHIT? HELL NAW I AIN’T LIKE THAT.

I’M A REAL MAN AND THATS WHAT YOU NEED BABY GIRL. AND I GOTS A CAREER AND SHIT.  I BEEN WORKING AT UPS AND THEY SAID THEY GONNA MAKE ME A MADE MAN. THATS RIGHT I AM GONNA BE A MANAGER.

PICTURE US ROLLING IN MY MERCURY COUGAR SITTIN ON 20′S WHILE WE LAUGH AT ALL THE HATERS WHILE THEY HATE.

I SENT A PICTURE.  DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?  YOU KNOW YOU DO. I WILL SEND MORE WHEN YOU SEND SOME OF YOUR FLY ASS.

HOLLA BACK.

 

Kim wrote:
i did not recieve a picture nor did i respect the fact that your disrespectful ass referred to me as a "bitch"

 

Harry Seaword:

AY GIRL I AINT TRYIN TO BE DISSRESPECTFEL OR NOTHING LIKE THAT ITS JUST HOW I TALK. NO WHAT IM SAYING? IM SORRY AND SHIT BOO.

SHIT I DID FORGET THE PICTURE. HERE IT IS. WHAT YOU WORKING WITH GIRL?

 

Kim wrote:
oh so you a white boy huh i like that get yo lil gangsta ass ,, aight well u best start respecting the fact that i dont take any shit so dont call me a bitch no more didnt your mother teach you anything Harry

 

Harry Seaword wrote:
HOW YOU GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA. THATS LOW GIRL.

I ALREADY APOLAGIZED AND SHIT FOR THAT. WHY YOU GOTTA HATE IM JUST TRYIN TO BE A NICE GUY.  LIKE I SAID ITS JUST HOW I TALK I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD BUT THATS HOW MOTHERFUCKAS TALK WHERE I COME FROM. I KNOW ITS NOT A GOOD EXCUSE BUT DAMN GIRL DONT HATE THE PLAYER HATE THE GAME.

 

Kim wrote:
this isnt going to work sorry honey .

 

Harry Seaword wrote:
WHY YOU SAY THAT? IM A NICE GUY I PROMISE I JUST THINK WE GOT INTO THE WRONG FOOT.

MY FILOSIFY IS THAT LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER BCAUSE YOU NEVER NO WHEN YOU MIGHT MEET THAT SPECIAL SOME1. 

AINT YOU WANNA EVEN CHAT? I MEAN YOU SAY IT AINT GONNA WORK BUT YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE TRUE HARRY YET.

 

Kim wrote:
seriously i feel like this is a joke … you spelled philosophy wrong boo

 

Harry Seaword wrote:
HOW YOU GONNA SAY THAT?  JUST CAUSE I AINT GOOD AT SPELLING THAT MAKES ME A JOKE?

DAMN GIRL YOU ALL STUCK UP. I AM JUST TRYING TO BE NICE AND CHAT WITH YOU. I EVEN SENT A PIC AND YOUR STILL ACTIN LIKE YOU SHIT DONT STINK.  WHY YOU GOTTA BE A HATER?

 

Kim wrote:
i aint being a hater really im being quite polite im really just looking for a old man to fuckin pay my cell phone bill okay not looking to fuck or anything alright you seem nice your cute and everything but you should know what it is

 

Harry Seaword:
I GOT YA. THANKX FOR BEING HONEST. THAT YOU A GOLD DIGGER.  WHY WOULD SOME OLD MOTHERFUCKER PAY FOR YOUR PHONE IF YOU AINT GONNA BRAKE HIM OFF SOMETHING?

LIKE I SAID, I GOT NO PROBLEM WITH PAPER CUZ OF MY JOB AT UPS. DO YOU GOT BIG TITTIES? SEND ME A PIC AND IF YOU ARE A DIME I WILL PAY YOUR PHONE BILLS AS LONG AS YOU TUG ME OFF A FEW TIMES A MONTH. I GOT A BIG DICK WANTA C PICS?

2 responses to 'Craigslist Chaos, part II: Wigger versus gold digger'

subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'Craigslist Chaos, part II: Wigger versus gold digger'.

1. “I just think we got into the wrong foot.”

   HILARIOUS!

   boqueen

   07.24.09 02:49 PM

    

2. I like that you didn’t break character on this one. Are you part wigga? If not……well done sir.

   Guilmar

   07.25.09 11:17 AM

    

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