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subscribeFuck you, Jupiter Communities, part II
posted: 09.10.09 at 12:00 AM
filed under: personal
This is part two of my epic bitch-fest about Jupiter Communities, the miserable company that manages the apartment that I live in. Click here to read part one.
A few weeks after I moved into my building, the pilot light on my oven stopped working. When I turned on the oven, nothing happened. While I am an excellent cook, I find it difficult to cook a roast at room temperature.
I complained to the management staff. For some inexplicable reason, they were interested and engaged. Three days later, the maintenance staff visited my apartment to correct the issue.
After about 25 minutes of troubleshooting, they determined that my oven contained an electronic pilot. Since they did not have an electronic pilot on hand, a repair would take “three or four weeks.” I assumed that the nearest Maytag plant was located on the icy rings of Saturn, thereby necessitating such a lengthy delivery time.
The band of Broken English-speaking rubes offered me an alternative: they could switch my stove with another one, located in an abandoned apartment across the hall. I agreed to the proposal due to the fact that the new stove possessed 21st century features, such as a functional light bulb in the oven.
After an hour of hard labor and the creation of several indelible scuffs across the tiled floor of my kitchen, the new stove was installed. The leader of the pack of blue-shirted men quickly declared that one of the burners on the new stove was non-functional.
“This not work,” he proclaimed. “We fix it tomorrow. Clean with wire brush, gas go.”
I was satisfied with the incoherent explanation. After all, who wouldn’t want a good old fashioned “clean with wire brush” in order to enable “gas go?”
The blue-shirted men never returned. After about four weeks, the burner began to work again, despite the fact that the repair never happened.
::
I was working from home last Friday when a hearty manila envelope was slipped under my door. I opened the envelope to find an eight-page packet that pertained to the expiration of my lease.
I am certain that there is less paperwork involved in aborting a fetus or joining the Army.
The cover letter boldly declared Jupiter Comminity’s affinity for me.
“It is our hope that you have enjoyed your stay with us,” the letter declared, failing to note the abhorrent level of service that I have dealt with over the course of the last ten months.
“Contact the Rental office and one of our professional office staff will prepare your new lease and contact you when it is ready to sign,” the letter continued. While I have no intention of extending my lease, I briefly envisioned another encounter between the rotund broad who had logged and subsequently ignored my complaints. Such a rendezvous would certainly be delightful.
The cover letter also informed me that my rent would be increasing from $655 per month to $670. The packet also included details about how I would be responsible for $6 per month for trash and $20 per month for my usage of water.
If I chose to live in the same apartment, my rent would effectively increase from $655 to $696. This amounts to nearly a 7% increase in the cost of rent. Jupiter Properties was courteous enough to mask such an increase in the guise of completely separate charges.
“New rental rates DO NOT include these new fees,” page three of the eight-page packet declared.
This seems inherently deceptive. I feel that if if I am to pay for water service and garbage disposal, those fees should be included in my monthly rent rather then presented as separate line items. After all, I would have to write a $696 check at the end of each month. Masking additional charges as separate feeds is rather misleading.
Furthermore, Jupiter Properties decided to apply a blanket rate for water service, as all one bedroom apartments pay the same amount for water service.
I object to the notion of paying for utilities that are not metered. Directly below me, six fucking people live in a one bedroom apartment. I assume that unit uses six times more water than I do. Also, I spend a great deal of time at boqueen’s palace and traveling to assorted work and family-related destinations. Due to the fact that I spend less than 50 percent of evenings at my apartment, I feel that I should not be liable for the same water bill as the family of six.
Jupiter Properties decided that all members of the “community” should share the burden for the water bill. Such a proposition sounds much like Communism. From my recollection, the Soviets were a big proponent of Communism, and it did not bode well for them.
::
Ironically, I encountered yet another problem with my apartment mere hours after receiving the lease renewal packet. As boqueen entered the bathroom to prepare for bed Friday night, she flicked the light switch, which promptly fell off the wall.
I was unable to find a quick fix for the problem, partially due to the fact that I was highly intoxicated at the time.
The light switch pictured on the left does not function as designed.
After briefly nursing a mild hangover the following morning, I paid a visit to the management office. I was greeted by the familiar face of the broad who I had dealt with regarding the problems with the light in my kitchen.
I explained what had happened, and she told me that the switch could be repaired on Tuesday at the earliest.
“My bathroom is completely dark,” I responded. “As you know, there are no windows in the bathrooms of these units.”
She explained that the maintenance staff was off for the holiday weekend.
“I do not want to shower in the dark,” I replied.
“Can’t you use the hallway light?” the bulbous broad inquired.
“I don’t have a hallway light,” I responded. “Can you have one installed for me?”
The broad seemed somewhat sympathetic to my plight. She offered to contact the lead janitor.
“Okay, I will be sure to call you in a couple of hours,” she said, jotting down my phone number.
The call never came and the repair never happened.
boqueen and I left the following evening. As we walked to my car, I noticed that one of the maintenance staff members was working on his car in the complex’s service garage. That is a fairly typical occurrence on a Sunday afternoon, but I was annoyed by the fact that the janitor was on site, yet he could not be bothered to spend ten minutes installing a new light switch in my bathroom.
While driving to boqueen’s palace, I lamented the ignorance of the broad in the management office and the inconvenience of bathing in the dark.
“I’m sure they’ll have it fixed when I get back Tuesday night,” I wistfully hoped aloud.
When I returned on Tuesday, I discovered that the repair never happened.
::
I could easily write another 2,500 words to my displeasure with Jupiter Communities, but I feel that I have already dedicated too much energy to a topic that fills me with murderous rage.
I find company’s complete lack of concern for the condition of the buildings they manage utterly appalling. Their inability to address even the most minor issues is indicative of an organization that cares not for the quality of their apartments or the happiness of the residents. Jupiter Communities exists solely to collect rent checks and make a profit. I fail to understand why they even bother to staff the management office for more than 50 hours a week.
To Jupiter Communities, I am a faceless resident who writes $655 checks that clear every month.
I realize that the lease renewal packet that they sent me is a required formality. Nevertheless, it some ways it feels insulting that the company that flatly refused to respond to any of the complaints that I have brought to their attention over the course of the past 10 months would suggest that I might renew my lease for this god-awful apartment.
That will never happen.
6 responses to 'Fuck you, Jupiter Communities, part II'
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Are you attemtping another twitter-style lawsuit? Good luck with that. The last one was in the building behind us if you want to talk to someone about it.
“While I am an excellent cook, I find it difficult to cook a roast at room temperature.” Fucking hilarious.
CC
09.10.09 12:27 AM
While I did not live in the Jupiter Communities that I know of I have similarly experienced the abysmal lack of service from a management company. One weekend I was out of town and returned to the ceiling tile having fallen in my bathtub due to a water leak from the apartment above it. The “gentleman” at the front desk had the nerve to ask me if I could “tidy up a bit” for when the repair man gets there so he can do his job. To their dismay I did not renew my rental agreement. I’m sure they’re still shocked by that.
The Rob Show
09.10.09 09:18 AM
I love the fact you call your girl friend Boqueen and that she has a palace! Only You!
Dvorsky
09.15.09 11:55 AM
Ok, I just finished Part 2, loved it. You need to come live at our Jupiter Community property, it would be the exact opposite of your experience. We are a small town in the South and knowing all the residents as closely as we do makes a huge difference. It shouldn’t, but I’m sure it does. Repairs are VERY seldom not finished the same day, three days if we have to wait on parts, we actually care about someone having to shower in the dark. So, I’m not saying Jupiter doesn’t suck, but there’s something seriously wrong with the broad broad that runs your office. Let me know if you and the queen would be interested in giving the south a try!
JupiterChickAgain
10.07.09 03:31 PM
Dear,fuck jupiter,after thirty years in the property management industry, may I say you do not need an apartment. If you have the time to complain this much ,you need a life.May I say FUCK YOU . Wig, Birmingham,Alabama
charles wigley
05.12.10 03:36 PM
As a former employee with over 20 years of experience I must agree with an earlier comment regrding the treatment of the employees at Jupiter.
They claim to promote family and a great working environment when what you actually get is a President that needs to get a life and get laid. Her out of the blue threatening e mails are unprofessional and unwarranted. I am amazed at their total disregard for their employees.
This company will soon find out how tough it really is to be a good management company and maybe they will learn how to treat peopl e after they lose enough accounts.
Amazing!
07.29.11 06:44 PM