“Yes We Can,” revised for Illinois Democrats.

For political junkies like me, the past few weeks have been wretchedly interesting.  Illinois’ scandal spilled into Washington D.C. when governor Rod Blagojevich (R-Shit’s Creek) appointed Roland Burris (D-Hundred Acre Woods) to the United States senate.  This set off a firestorm of confusion and confrontation, ultimately culminating with senate democrats relenting and agreeing to seat Burris.

In light of today’s events, I thought that it would be appropriate to write a speech on behalf of Michael Madigan (D-Madigan Dynasty), chairman of the Democratic Party in Illinois.  This is a speech that could be delivered to all Illinois Democrats, touting their success in strengthening the Chicago political machine and extending its influence to the national level.  The speech was inspired by President-elect Barack Obama’s (D-Hyde Park) acceptance speech that he delivered the night he was elected president.

See the original speech
See both speeches side-by-side

This scandal had many first and many stories that will be told for generations.  But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a party that’s risen to dominance in the United States. It’s nothing like the others that appeared on the ballot in this election except for one thing: The modern Democratic Party is 180 years old.

It was born in the final generation of slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when a party like ours couldn’t be elected for two reasons – because of our ideology and because our mascot is a freaking donkey.

And tonight, I think about all that we’ve seen throughout nearly two centuries in America – the headaches and the hope; the scandals and the indictments; the times we were told that we shouldn’t, and the politicians who pressed on with that Democratic creed: Yes we can.

At a time when corrupt politician’s voices were silenced and their scams dismissed, we lived to see the party rise and lie and reach for the bribes.  Yes we can.

When there was plurality in Chicago and organized crime had little influence across the City, we witnessed the party conquer all challengers with a mighty Machine, the patronage wheel and a mantra of “where’s mine?”  Yes we can.

When an old man came to the Senate and scandal tainted his appointment, we were there to witness a series of broken promises and his job was saved.  Yes we can.

We were there for the arrest of Blagojevich, the police riot in Chicago, the anointment of Stroger, and a mayor from Bridgeport who called a senator a “fucking Jew.”  Yes we can.

A machine politician became President, another became his successor in the Senate, a nation was corrupted by our own greed and thirst for power.

And this year, with this scandal, we have reached out to the entire nation, and shown our true colors, because after 180 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, we know that America won’t change.

Yes we can. 

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1. Ouch.
   True.
   I mean, everyone’s fucked up; there are very few exceptions. It’s easy to become jaded. And as long as America subscribes to its classic paradigms of what life is about, nothing will change. Nonetheless, I still have faith that Obama is for the people and will do what he can to change what he can. It obviously requires everyone’s effort; not the Magic O-Wand, but things CAN change. It’s unlikely to be without years of trying, because it’s been so deeply ingrained in us over the last couple decades, but you gotta have hope. Call me naive, but I believe it starts small. We’ll see what happens. All I know is that I’m glad to be a part of this madness and living in this era.

   I think we can.

   Char

   01.14.09 08:00 AM

    

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