Euro Euro bill y’all

From the bokeen vaults: this post originally appeared on my short-lived Blogger page. This was written one year ago.

Last night, I saw the music video for the song “Blue Magic” by Jay-Z. On the surface, there was nothing extraordinary about the video. However, about 90 seconds into the video, an image appeared on the screen that shook me to the core, and I now feel incredibly insecure about the future of our country.

The video included gratuitous shots of large amounts of money – a staple of hip-hop videos. At one point, a briefcase is opened to reveal tidy stacks of euros.

Keep in mind that the video is set in New York City, not in a European locale.

Euros are preferrable when dollars would be too damn heavy

The message was clear: due to the sliding value of the dollar and uncertainty about the US economy, the dollar is no longer the preferred currency for transporting large amounts of money.  From this point forward, those conducting briefcase-sized financial transactions shall eschew the unwieldy dollar in favor of the more portable euro.

The potential implications of this change are staggering. Is it no longer “All About the Benjamins?” Unfortunately, European architecture is pictured on the euro banknotes, making a simple adjustment to that slogan rather awkward.

Also, I have recently perfected my technique for “making it rain.”  Do I have to start from square one in order to adjust to a different sized bill?

Finally, will rapper Too $hort be required to change his name, or at least the spelling of it?

American’s lust for the dollar is old as the currency itself. It is part of our culture, engrained into our social fabric like apple pie or baseball. It is critical that the prestige of the dollar be restored in order to some degree of order in our society. Idolatry of the dollar is central to the American experience. Without it, our lives are empty and we are lost, destined to descend into total chaos.

I can only hope that one of the presidential candidates decides to address this issue.

When I hear about a candidate’s economic policy, I don’t want to hear about free trade, stimulus packages, job creation or social security. I want to know how they will bring the dollar bill back into hip-hop videos.

The candidate that addresses that issue – perhaps the defining issue of a generation – will get my vote.

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