‘L’ Archetypes, part II: Hipsters

While Hipsters can be found throughout the city of Chicago, the “L” is one of their preferred modes of transportation.  They can be found at any time during the day or night, but appear in less frequently during the morning rush hours, as Hipsters seldom hold 9-to-5 jobs.  The greatest concentration of Hipsters can be found in trendy neighborhoods, such as Wicker Park or Logan Square, or near colleges, notably the Illinois Institute of Art and Columbia College.  They are scarce in the outlying areas of the city, and have never been spotted in the suburbs.

Hipsters take great care to maintain an unkempt, Bohemian appearance.  As a result, there are several prominent markings that make them easily identifiable in the wild.

Hipster culture is continually evolving.  As a result, these identifying guidelines are current as of press time (March 2009). 

Clothing is the most prominent of the Hipsters’ identifying markings; they embrace the thrift store aesthetic.  They continually strive for a disheveled look, and a strong sense of irony inform their wardrobe selection.

Males of the species are often found wearing skin tight jeans that highlight the creature’s prepubescent physique.  Females can be found in similar pants, or in puffy, multilayered skirts. 

Hoodies and tight sweaters make up a large part of a Hipster’s wardrobe.  Also, many hipsters can be found wearing t-shirts with ironic imagery.  For example, a hipster may wear a shirt celebrating the Chicago Bears’ Superbowl victory from 1986, or a Snoop Dogg t-shirt, despite the fact that the hipster detests rap music.  The shirts are often tight-fitting.   

A scientific survey of 2,000 hipsters conducted in 2008 revealed that 96.3% of hipsters find clothing with horizontal stripes “deck.”  Scientists are puzzled by this result and have concluded that “deck” translates to “very good” or “very bad.” 

Some male Hipsters choose to express their sardonic sense of fashion by wearing formal clothing.  This can make positive identification more difficult.  However, there are several clues to help discern a Hipster from a normal commuter in formal wear.  Hipsters are quite fond of the color black, and they often pair formal wear with casual footwear.  In addition, they are quite fond of narrow ties. 

Hipsters take great care when selecting footwear.  They often strive for a vintage look, choosing “old-school” Pumas or Vans.  Also, Hipsters appreciate the breathability of canvas and the convenience of a slip-on shoe.  Occasionally, Hipsters will pair casual clothing with unusual dress shoes to highlight their keen sense of sarcasm. 

Hipsters love to accessorize.  Many will wear eyeglasses, though it is unclear if Hipsters wear glasses to correct their vision or simply as a fashion statement.  Glasses with large, black plastic frames are common in the Hipster community; although many now favor large, wire-rimmed glasses, much like Bill Gates wore as a youth. 

Young Bill Gates: Total hipster.

Both male and female Hipsters are almost always found carrying some sort of bag.  Males will often wear a purse-like messenger bag or a dirty backpack.  While some female Hipsters carry a conventional purse, many prefer a retro-inspired bowling bag. 

Taking a cue from the homosexual community, Hipsters have adopted studded belts as their own style.  Anthropologists hypothesize that the combination of tight pants and sharp studded belts are used as a deterrent to the opposite sex. 

Anecdotal evidence suggests that every Hipster in Chicago owns an iPod.  When apart from a group, a Hipster will be listening to music on an iPod.  A large number of Hipsters eschew the traditional white earbuds in favor of large over-the-ear headphones. 

The hair of a Hipster frequently appears to be dirty and messy.  While it may appear that the Hipster spent little time combing his or her hair, this is actually a carefully crafted look.  Some male Hipsters chose to grow long bangs that cover a portion of their face.

Hipsters are often pierced as an aid to identify one another in the wild.  Many will wear plug jewelry in their ears.  In addition, any individual with a pierced lip is almost certainly a Hipster. 

Hipsters prefer to associate with other Hipsters.  As a result, extreme caution should be taken if one attempts to engage a Hipster in conversation.  Small talk is generally greeted with a sarcastic eye roll, or ignored altogether.  In addition, Hipsters will refuse to communicate with any individual dressed in business attire. 

If you are successful in your attempts to chat with a Hipster, do not inquire about the contents of his or her iPod.  The Hipster will certainly scoff at you for not recognizing the names of obscure indie bands. 

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