Introducing Angry Letters: The road paved with failure

I can be an angry fellow from time to time.

Normally, this blog is an adequate medium for expressing my frustrations.  However, there are times when I feel that this site does not fully reach its intended audience.  In certain circumstances, a more direct approach is appropriate. 

I am happy to introduce the latest series of posts, entitled “Angry Letters.”  In addition to appearing on this site, each letter will be sent to one or more individuals.  In the highly unlikely event that a letter elicits a response, I will post the response here as well.

The first letter concerns the atrocious road conditions in the Chicago area.  This letter was sent to Illinois’ Secretary of Transportation, Gary Hannig.  Copies were also mailed to several other officials at the Illinois Department of Transportation, including the Directors of the Offices of Operations and Communications, the Division of Highways and the Division of Traffic Safety.

I am eagerly anticipating their responses.

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Dear Secretary Hannig,

I was delighted to learn about the Illinois Department of Transportation’s plans to resurface the Eisenhower Expressway.  As you know, the road is in dire need of improvement, and this project is long overdue.

I frequently commute on the “Ike,” and if I could describe the experience in two words, I would say: “absolutely torturous.”  For some inexplicable reason, there are a series of bumps in the road placed every few hundred feet.  Riding over these bumps is incredibly jarring, even in my small truck which is designed precisely for navigating difficult terrain. 

I am curious about the source of these random humps in the road.  They certainly are not a naturally occurring phenomenon; they appear to be the byproduct of sloppy road repairs. 

These mysterious lumps of asphalt appear to be approximately two inches high and four inches long.  Their presence is a determinant to public safety.  I would hate to be a motorcyclist on the Ike.  These bumps could easily cause a rider to lose control of his or her bike, resulting in a tragic accident.

What is the purpose of these bumps?  Are they to function as a speed control device, a smaller version of the speed bumps seen on many Chicago side streets?  If so, I must ask, what kind maniacal individual would approve of a program to create such hazards on a road with the speed limit of 55 miles per hour?  It seems terribly ironic that a program to increase public safety by reducing drivers’ speed would further compromise public safety.    

Similar bumps exist along Irving Park Road on the northern border of O’Hare airport.  These bumps are methodically staggered between both lanes.  The bumps are effectively unavoidable, unless a driver was to repeatedly swerve back and forth between lanes, inviting a traffic stop by the friendly Chicago Police. 

I am certain that these bumps serve as speed control devices.  While the speed limit on that stretch of road is 55 miles per hour, motorists typically drive much faster in that area.  In addition, the precise arrangement of the bumps suggests that the bumps were purposefully placed, rather than the random consequence of poor road work. 

My point about Irving Park Road may seem moot, considering that the road will soon be swallowed up by Mayor Daley’s (D-Machine) ambitious expansion plans for O’Hare.  However, after riding over one of these bumps, my truck was damaged.  The harsh impact dislodged my catalytic converter from the vehicle’s exhaust system.  As a result, my truck is extremely loud, and I get sleepy when the exhaust fumes leak into the cabin of the vehicle.

Naturally, the exhaust leak is quite dangerous.  If the carbon monoxide fumes were to lull me into an ill-timed nap, a devastating traffic accident would surely result.  Having the part repaired would certainly seem like a high priority.  However, as you may or may not be aware, the economy is currently in a recession.  As such, I have little discretionary income to devote to this repair.  I have dedicated much of my “truck maintenance” funds to “putting food on the table.” 

In light of the fact that your agency is responsible for the speed bumps on Irving Park Road and, by extension, the damage to my truck, I was wondering if you would be willing to cover the cost of my fixing my catalytic converter.  My mechanic indicated that the repair would cost “a couple hundred bucks.”  I’d be happy to provide a more formal quote for your Accounts Payable department. 

While I am not a civil engineering professional, I would like to make a suggestion for the upcoming improvements to the Ike, and to any other roadways that will be resurfaced in the near future.  Please refrain from constructing random bumps to control the rate of traffic.  This ill-conceived strategy only serves to place the lives of motorists at risk.  When a motorist is inevitably involved in a fatal crash due to the speed bumps on the Ike or Irving Park Road, blood will be on your hands.

Keep up the good work.

Warmest regards,

bokeen

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