Archive for the ‘sports’ tag

bokeen’s Ratchetclass: The NBA is back!

Tyler Conium and Rodimus Prime join the first episode of bokeen’s solo podcasting project to commemorate the end of the NBA lockout.  We begin by arguing about whether the players or owners were at fault for the lockout, and discussing if the lockout left each of us salty.  Next, we talk about how the time off will affect the conditioning of the players and the impending madness of a condensed free agency period complete with an amnesty clause.  We close the show giving our outlook for each NBA team, while cracking jokes along the way.  30 teams multiplied by three dudes equals over 90 jokes.  There is no better value in podcasting.

Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium
Check out Rod’s podcast and blog: The Black Guy Who Tips
Follow Rod on Twitter: @rodimusprime

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

NCAA basketball sucks. And I know how to fix it.

As March Madness draws to a pus-filled head, I joined Tyler Conium’s “Anybody Listening” to discuss why college basketball is inferior to the NBA, and I throw out a novel idea that would dramatically improve the game.

Tyler, describe this bitch up:

Based on today’s intro, you might come to the conclusion that I was intoxicated. Not so! Just, really ridiculous. Also realizing I am in somewhat desperate need for a co-host. Please send me your applications.

[Note: This was recorded earlier and delayed]

After I talk about how much Drake sucks, and how lame my neighbors are, I welcome the silky-voiced assassin bokeen (@bokeen) to talk about why the college game is so much worse than the NBA.

Tyler and I are the Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen of podcasting. As such, I am growing a hi-top fade. Tyler better shave his damn head.

(Left to right): Jimmer Fredette, 2011 Men’s College Player of the Year; Derrick Rose, favorite to win the 2011 NBA Most Valuable Player award. These guys are the best in their respective games. I rest my case.

iTunes link
Direct link for Apple haters
Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium

The Miami Heat’s future is fucked. Thank Bosh and his contract.

Once again, I lent my vast NBA knowledge and insightful commentary to “Anybody Listening,” a podcast hosted by my brother in podcasting excellence, Tyler Conium.  We chatted about the Miami Heat and debated whether or not they are, in fact, bitch-made.

Tyler, get your description on:

Sports themed podcast today, and it’s a beauty. I am furious over the NHL’s ruling on the Zdeno Chara hit on Max Pacioretty that broke his net and left him severely concussed. Air Canada has also threatened to pull out of its sponsorship agreement with the NHL if immediate action isn’t taken on head shots. I’m joined on the show by the silky voiced, NBA aficionado, bokeen (@bokeen) to talk about how sick I am about talking about the Miami Heat. Pretty hypocritical, huh? Kenny Norton (@KennyNorton), Derek Masters (@drockfilms), and “Randy Savage” are on next to talk about old school WWF Wrestling. Not WWE, because that shit is lame.

Tyler and I are like Siskel and Ebert, but much younger and with fatter balls. Also, neither of us is dead.

iTunes link
Direct link for Apple haters
Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium

The NBA trade deadline was a fucking doozy

Another day, another appearance on “Anybody Listening,” a podcast hosted by the cantankerous Canadian, Tyler Conium.  We chatted about the delightful NBA trade deadline.

Tyler – go:

Big.. JUICY.. podcast this week. I don’t bore you with details, and get right into Oscars talk with Lucas Walker (@WalkerLucas). Next I talk to Paige Raquel (@paigeraquel) about celebrity gossip, specifically the trials and tribulations (no pun intended) of Lindsay Lohan. Resident NBA expert bokeen (@bokeen) comes on to talk NBA Trade Deadline.. and of course make fun of Baron Davis. ENJOY!

Juicy indeed. You know what else is juicy? Your panties after listening to Tyler and I speak.

iTunes link
Direct link for Apple haters
Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium

The NBA slam dunk contest was fixed, and the Knicks got raped in the Melo trade

Once again, I appeared on “Anybody Listening,” a podcast hosted by the cantankerous Canadian, Tyler Conium.  We chatted about hoops, including All Star Weekend and the Carmelo Anthony trade. The slam dunk contest was fixed on account of racism.

Run it, Tyler:

After taking the best holiday in Canada (Family Day) off, I’m back to podcasting! I talk about the turmoil in Libya, fat pets, and a man with over 30 wives and over 90 children! I also adress the state of web series "Hello Phoenix, with a new episode coming tomorrow! I have posted the first 2 at the bottom of this post. bokeen (@bokeen, bokeen.com) joins to discuss the NBA All Star Weekend, as well as the much awaited conclusion to the Carmelo Anthony saga.

Tyler and I have impressive masculine voices that would make James Earl Jones jealous. Listen to this podcast with your girlfriend, and watch her nipples get hard.

iTunes link
Direct link for Apple haters
Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium

Check out my appearance on “Anybody Listening”

This week, I appeared on “Anybody Listening,” a podcast hosted by a cantankerous Canadian named Tyler Conium.  We discussed a pertinent issue ripped from today’s headlines: NBA players wearing headbands. 

Tyler’s summary of the episode:

“In today’s show Tyler Conium further addresses the protests in Egypt, as well as criticizes the Catholic Church for releasing a “Confession” app for the iPad. Author, digital artist and filmmaker Joshua Murphy (@element3media, http://drinkinganddebauchery.tumblr.com) joins to discuss his new book "Drinking & Debauchery" and his upcoming film "The Heroin Derivative" based on the book. bokeen (@bokeen) comes on to discuss the ridiculousness of headbands in the NBA, as well as many other basketball topics.

Tyler and I both have silky-smooth voices that will surely arouse you, in the sexual way.  I recommend that you keep a roll of paper towels nearby as you listen.

iTunes link
Direct link for Apple haters
Follow Tyler on Twitter: @tylerconium

Get Over It, Charlie Villanueva

Farewell, Winter Olympics. I hate you and I hope that you never come back.

The Winter Olympics ended last night, and I am pleased that the asinine spectacle finally came to a close.

I am sure that millions of people tuned in to the closing ceremonies to watch the elaborate parade of athletes with funny European names smiling and waving.  I imagine that silly national anthems were played, and that Bob Costas said very positive things.  I assume that a torch was involved and that viewers felt a heartwarming sense of national pride.

The extravagant pageantry of the closing ceremonies is thoroughly uninteresting to me.   In fact, I despise the Winter Olympics as a whole. 

I can relate more to the summer games, since I have actually participated in many of the summer sports.  The sports in the Summer Olympics are simply more accessible.  If I want to play basketball, I can purchase a ball and a pair of sneakers and go to a nearby schoolyard.  A desire to run 400 meters could be quenched by stepping outdoors, after phoning the British Empire to determine how far 400 meters is.

continue reading…

Tiger Woods’ questionable use of his penis

I am thoroughly enjoying witnessing the Tiger Woods saga unfold.

This may seem a bit hypocritical, as I recently decried celebrity news outlets for continually churning out mindless drivel.  I make an exception for the tales of Woods’ philandering, as two captivating storylines have been brought to the forefront by the burgeoning fleet of women that have taken turns serving as the golfer’s personal semen dumpster.

Thanks to Rachel Uchitel and her fellow skanks, America has been given a behind-the-scenes look into the sex lives of rich and powerful men.  Celebrities like Tiger hire experienced pussy wranglers to gather a collection of young dames eager for their chance to mount a famous penis.  The ladies are treated to top-shelf liquor and a fun night out, and the lucky lad gets to pick the gal (or gals) that he will bed.

The women are treated like cattle in this extremely organized and businesslike approach to sex.  It is quite similar to high-end restaurants that allow you to pick your lobster from a tank, or your preferred cut of porterhouse from a silver platter. 

continue reading…

Top five reasons why I hate Notre Dame

Hate is such a strong word.  At times, it isn’t strong enough.

Last spring, I chronicled ten different reasons that explain my contempt for the Chicago Cubs.  I noted that I merely dislike most rival teams, and that there are few teams that I truly hate, aside from the Cubs.

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish are worthy of such scorn.  If I were to summon any more energy to apply towards my hatred of the Irish, I would surely perish from extreme physical exhaustion.

continue reading…

« Older Entries